


Whatever It Takes

by antisocialishwrites



Category: Loki - Fandom, Loki laufeyson - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, F/M, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Angst, Loki x Reader - Freeform, Non-Canonical Character Death, Vormir, loki laufeyson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23269486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antisocialishwrites/pseuds/antisocialishwrites
Summary: AU where Loki is working with the Avengers in Endgame - he is assigned to retrieve the soul stone with you, neither of you yet knowing what the cost will be.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 61





	Whatever It Takes

_Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn’t mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we’re going to win. Whatever it takes. Good luck._

That’s what Steve’s latest inspirational speech had been. Now you’re on Vormir with your long-term boyfriend, Loki. The mission was unclear to you, you weren’t informed as to how the soul stone was obtained, or what it would cost. You almost dread what the price is, given the ominous cliffs close by as you walk up the stairs with your hand holding Loki’s, silent save for the wind until Loki turns to look at you.

“You know, Y/N, you are always stunning, but I much prefer my colors on you.” With a flash of green light, your white and red time-travel suit turns to jet black with emerald green and gold highlights. Loki grins with approval before making his suit match. You look at his matching one, twin daggers in the belt he’d insisted to be added to his suit - he’d said there were precious objects he needed close to him at all times.

You had rolled your eyes and chuckled when he claimed that, not surprised in the slightest that he found it necessary to keep his favorite daggers with him, despite his ability to conjure them. He had said they were important; you had laughed and told him they couldn’t be that important. Now, as you hold his hand, you smile, walking close to him as you travel up the steps.

Once you and the god had reached the top, you were slightly tired. You silently think to yourself how you’re lucky to only be in the first trimester of your pregnancy while having to walk so much. Not that Loki knew, of course.

You wanted to tell him, but you knew now was not the time. Loki was overprotective to begin with, especially during missions. But if he knew you were pregnant? You knew he wouldn’t let anyone within a mile of you, not wanting a threat to the love of his life, and his child, to even be a possibility. He’d be far too focused on you rather than the mission. You had talked about kids in the future with him, and he loved the idea - the only setback was that he was scared of becoming as terrible as Odin. You assured him that he was nothing like Odin and that he would be an amazing father, which seemed to help. You couldn’t wait for this mission to be over, you decided to tell him as soon as you both got home.

Your fingers are still entwined until a shadowed, cloaked figure emerges, and you get into a defensive stance - that is, you’re halfway into it before Loki already has his daggers drawn, in a protective stance in front of you, always ready to keep you safe.

“Welcome, Loki, child of Laufey…” You could practically feel Loki tense upon hearing his true father’s name, and you looked at Loki before stepping next to him. He sighs silently as you do but keeps his daggers poised to attack, not knowing if the stranger would pose a threat to you. “Y/N, daughter of Y/P/N…” Your gaze snaps back to the figure when he speaks your name.

“How do you know us?” Loki speaks demandingly, the figure emerging into the light to respond - you nearly gasped upon seeing Red Skull. No, that can’t be, he died! It must be some coincidence, and it was only making the mission more confusing. You listen intently as the conversation continues between Loki and Red Skull, knowing it could give you information on the soul stone.

“It is my curse to know all who journey here.”

“And who, precisely, are you?”

“Johann Schmidt, in another lifetime. Now, I am simply your guide. In my past life, I too sought the stones. I even held one in my hand.” Loki shuts his eyes for a moment, remembering when he wielded the scepter and tesseract, and you gently take his dagger from his grip so you can hold his hand. He looks at you, the regret from the memories clear in his eyes. You had seen everything - the attack in Stuttgart, him on the helicarrier, the battle of New York. The other pieces, Loki had told you after much, much time being with you, and you had listened in horror while he told you of the torture and horrors he suffered through while Thanos used him like a puppet. You squeeze his hand gently and you both look back at Red Skull as he continues, “But it cast me out, banished me here, guiding others to a treasure I cannot possess.”

Guiding others to the soul stone.

“Just give us the stone, and we’ll gladly be on our way.” Loki looks back at the guide as he spoke.

“You should know it extracts a terrible price.” Many different, horrifying, ideas come to Loki’s mind, a shiver going down his spine. He straightens and inhales before responding.

“I am sure I have faced worse.”

“Only in the darkest of your nightmares, you have. Even Thanos, son of A'lars, has not put you through the pain you may endure, depending on your decision.”

“What are my choices?”

You don’t want to think about it. What could be worse for him than what Thanos made him go through? Just as your mind began to travel, Red Skull responds.

“Come.” Loki keeps holding your hand as he cautiously follows the floating, cloaked, figure out onto an open area, stopping a couple of feet away from a cliff. Your face pales when you see how high you are from the markings on the stone ground, far, far below. You look at Loki, snow lightly dusting the top of his raven locks, before your gaze turns to the guide as he speaks. “What you seek lies in front of you. As does what you fear.” Loki locks his gaze with you as you both breathe slowly and squeeze each other’s hand.

“What do you mean? Where is the stone?” You look at the guide with slight confusion as you ask.

“This is the price. The soul stone holds a special place among the infinity stones. You might say, a certain wisdom. To ensure that whoever possesses it understands its power, the stone demands a sacrifice.”

“What is the sacrifice?” Loki asks when you don’t after many moments, the words seemed to be caught in your throat, as though you don’t want to hear the answer. How did Loki always seem so brave and calculated? You suppose it must be from experience of hiding emotions. He would never let out the storm inside unless he was alone with you. That only makes you hold his hand tighter.

“In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. A soul for a soul.”

Everything stops. Your thudding heartbeat is the only thing you can hear. No, this couldn’t be right. Your body begins to shake, you couldn’t lose Loki. Not now. Not ever. You slowly look at Loki. At the future father of your child. At your love and happiness. At your everything. You could not lose Loki. You would not lose Loki. When Loki looks into your eyes with love and sorrow, you know he’s already made his decision as he gently caresses your cheek.

“No… Loki no… you can’t leave me…” Your voice breaks as tears begin to form. Loki shakes his head softly.

“My love, it has to be me. Let me go.” You don’t. You only hold his hand tighter.

“No! I can’t lose you!” You speak frantically, trying to stop the tears before they can come spilling out.

“Please, Y/N, let me do something good!”

“You already have!”

“Like what.”

“You made me happy!” He freezes as you speak, your voice breaking again as a tear runs down your cheek. After many moments, he takes a deep breath, gently wiping your tear with his thumb.

“I think I may find a way out of it. Just let me think for a bit, okay?” You nod slowly, and he leads you to a nearby chunk of rock before you sit down on it. He gently brushes some strands of hair from your face and kisses your forehead, and you look down only with your eyes, putting your head in your hands.

Loki looks at you before walking away and beginning to pace, wanting to find some way out of this. With every step he took, he was calculating, analyzing, trying to find any loopholes. He was determined, and he paced for hours. And you sat for hours, too many emotions at once to do anything to be helpful.

You slowly stand to look at him, only to find him with a hand clasped over his mouth, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. And you realize, for the first time… Loki doesn’t have a way out. No plans or schemes. He’s vulnerable, with no glamours or deception to hide behind. You walk to him, slowly wrapping your arms around his waist from the side, and he turns his head away to try and hide the tears.

“Hey,” Your voice is soft as you put a hand to his chin, gently tilting his head back to face you. “It’s going to be alright. I can still watch you save the universe while I’m in Valhalla…” He pulls away when he realizes you both want to be the one to go.

“No, you can’t be serious, it has to be me, Y/N!” He shakes his head quickly as he keeps crying silently.

“It’s okay. Just let me go.” Loki opens his mouth to protest, but just before he can, you grab the shirt line of his suit and pull him into a deep kiss. The sudden action leaves him dazed as you begin to run toward the edge - only to feel your body jerk backward as he grabs you, pulling you back. You immediately break into a sprint after him, determined to not let him fall as you slide and grab his ankles, making him trip. He immediately tries to get up, and you struggle to your feet.

You scream his name as he jumps off the cliff, and you just barely manage to hold onto a rock and catch his hand. He looks up at you, eyes glassy from tears threatening to spill, and you see the pain in his eyes - he’s been in the same position before.

_The Bifrost tumbles down, as do my brother - no, not brother - Thor and I. A massive wave of energy erupts from the Bifrost as we blindly fall._

“Loki, no!” In his mind, your words reflect what he thought would be Thor’s last to him, all those years ago.

_Debris falls around us and I look up to see Father - no, Odin. This isn’t my family. This is a lie. Stop letting yourself believe this illusion, you’re supposed to see through it! Ironic, the god of lies couldn’t see a lie his whole life. A life that will end now. Hopefully._

_I could’ve done it, Father! I could’ve done it! For you! For all of us!_

Tears begin to stream down Loki’s face as flashbacks keep playing in his mind, overpowering and blocking out your pleads and screams for Loki to not fall.

_I already know there’s no “us”. I am not one of them. I am the outcast, I don’t belong. Odin only confirms it._

_No, Loki._

_There’s no hope for me now. In Odin’s eyes, there is none of the approval I had desperately searched for during my entire existence, no sign that he believes I could be redeemable. Only disappointment and regret - perhaps regret from my actions, perhaps from my existence. Or both. No matter the origin, I am always a disappointment. A burden. What Odin should’ve left to die as a baby. Tears slip down my cheeks as I let go of Gungnir._

As though in sync with the memories, his hand slips from your hand and you watch in horror as he begins to fall.

 _Silence. Everything is silent, as I fall through the vast abyss. I can’t even see stars or galaxies, only a never-ending blackness surrounding me until-_ You swiftly make a maneuver with rope on your suit’s belt to pull him, then yourself, back onto the ledge, tears streaming down your face now, too.

“Please, Loki, I love you too much to let you die!” You look at him with genuine fear, fear of losing him. His own gaze shows desperation before he looks down and takes a deep, shaky breath, walking to you slowly.

“I love you too.” He gently wipes a tear from your cheeks, reddened from all the sniveling. As he looks into your eyes, you see pure love and sadness. He begins to open a section in his belt, his gaze not leaving your eyes.

“What.. what are you doing..?” You search his face, your tears slowing.

“What I’ve been wanting to do since I fell hopelessly, desperately, and passionately, in love with you, my dearest Y/N,” Your breathing hitches as he pulls out a small box from his belt, still looking at you. “I wanted us to be a family. I’ve dreamed of it at night, and let my mind wander back to those dreams during the day. Every time I see you, I want this more and more… I wanted to be a good father and husband… and I know I can’t do that now. It’s all I’ve wanted, a happy family with you and our child…” He swallows and shuts his eyes for a moment, a tear slipping down.

“I love you more than words could say, more than actions could show.” You cover your mouth with your right hand to hold in a gasp as he opens the box, a beautiful ring inside - small diamonds spelled out “Y/N & Loki” in cursive on the sterling silver band, a larger diamond on the top. You couldn’t even wonder how much it cost, you knew it was priceless. In your eyes and Loki’s, it was, at least.

“I know it can’t happen now… but I never grow tired of imagining this… of imagining us,” He closes his eyes as he presses his forehead to yours, putting a gentle hand on your stomach. His voice drops to a whisper as he slips the ring onto your left ring finger, “Please forgive me, my love…” You barely have time to register what he means as he pulls away, the magic working as soon as the ring is on your finger.

Your vision goes white for a moment before you see a prolepsis - your wedding day. You watch yourself in your white gown, walking down the aisle, roses lining it. Then you see him. Loki. Your husband. He’s looking at you as if you’re the universe. You’re his universe, his everything, and anyone would know just by seeing the look in his eyes. It flashes through the speeches and vows, and Loki pulls you into a deep kiss once the flashes finish, full of love and excitement, and you could tell he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life. This feeling of completion and acceptance, of unconditional love and passion. He is savoring all of it. The smiles on both your face and his were the brightest you’d ever seen - Loki had always told you that your smile was brighter than the Bifrost itself and contained more beauty than the Nine Realms could offer. It flashes to a few years later; you are at a picnic in a valley, both you and Loki eating, smiling, and talking. Then, you notice the cradle next to you. It flashes to you holding an infant, Loki smiling and kissing its head, both of you looking at it with love.

The magic and flash-forward keep you in a trance, standing completely still as silent tears stream down your face - from joy, from longing, you weren’t sure. You couldn’t describe the happiness these pieces of Loki’s imagination make you. Enough happiness to exclaim that you can’t wait - until you’re pulled from the trance, and see what it kept you from stopping.

_Please forgive me, my love…_

_I know these are my last words to Y/N as the ring slips on. I would’ve preferred to be on one knee, looking up into her eyes - her gorgeous, beautiful eyes - as she says yes and smiles. I wish her smile was the last thing I’d get to see. I love her smile, and I meant every compliment I gave her about it. I regret that these are our last moments, but I don’t regret saving her life - and our child’s life. I saw the pregnancy test in the trash the other day… I may or may have not cried tears of joy when it was positive. I figured Y/N would tell me when she was ready to, so I haven’t asked. I know I won’t get to now. I won’t get to do a lot of things I wish I could’ve done. Still, I don’t regret my choice in preserving the safety of my family. My real family. The girl who loves and accepts me, and the child that would._

_I don’t show any hesitation as I sprint for the edge. For the first time in my life, I can put on a genuine brave face. Not pretending anymore. I am brave. I am heroic (good gods, I sound like Thor). I am light. I am darkness. I am balanced and controlled. I am powerful. I am Loki Laufeyson, and I will protect my family at all costs. I will protect this universe at all costs. Whatever it takes._

_I let myself fall towards the stone on the ground, looking up at the ledge where my beloved Y/N is still frozen in place. I know she might hate me for this, but I’d take it as long as she’s safe. I don’t look down at where I will meet my end is the wind blows in my ears. All I can think about is Y/N, her smile and voice taking over my thoughts. I close my eyes, letting her smile be the last image in my mind as my body hits the ground._

You screamed. You screamed as you scrambled to the edge of the cliff. You screamed as you heard a horrifying crack. You screamed as he laid still.

You screamed so much. You screamed so much, even Red Skull had to look away. You screamed so painfully, you could’ve collapsed and woke up mute. You screamed so loudly, Loki’s soul could hear you in Valhalla. As you collapsed to your knees at the cliff’s edge, your heart was ripped from your chest, cast out to die.

You could barely stand the sight of Loki, lifeless on the ground. Blood is pooled around his body, sprawled out like a broken rag doll. His normally silky locks shine not from grease, but from blood leaking from his head. His eyes are closed, his expression peaceful despite the obvious pain he felt on impact before every thought and feeling vanished. His hands are drenched in blood continuously flowing out from underneath him, one arm twisted unnaturally from the way he landed. He is shattered. Broken beyond repair. As is your heart.

One moment, you are crying out for him to come back, tears flowing relentlessly. The next moment, you try to jump, just to be with him again. And the next - you’re blinded as light flashes. When you open your eyes, you find yourself on your knees in a pool of water. It’s cold, like everything else about this dominion of death. It’s cold and harsh and cruel. Your hands are shaking, and you notice something glowing in your right fist.

The soul stone.

You glance back at the cliff, then the stone on the ground where Loki has laid to rest for eternity. You shut your eyes, blocking out the glow of the stone that your future husband lost his life for, as you press the button on your suit to send you back to the Avengers facility.

“Did we get them all?” Tony looks around at everyone to answer his own question. The amber-colored stone emits a glow from within your grasp. You keep your eyes on the ground, unable to restrain the sorrow showing in them, as Thor suddenly notices that there are six stones… but no Loki.

“Y/N? Where’s Loki?” Thor’s eyes narrow, and you just shake your head. You didn’t even want to say the words aloud. You look up at him, absolute defeat and emptiness in your gaze as you watch his heart sink when he realizes what happened before his anger begins to take over.

“You let my brother die?! My BROTHER?!” His real eye starts to glow as electric sparks dance on his fingertips. You don’t even step away as he takes a couple of steps towards you - you don’t fear death anymore. Not when Loki awaits you. Tony suddenly steps in front of you protectively as he looks up at Thor.

“Come on Point Break, I doubt she would just let him die, maybe it’s one of his tricks.” Tony tries to reason, knowing Thor starting to attack you or anyone else is anything but necessary right now. 

“My brother may be a trickster but he would NEVER pull a trick like that at the expense of Y/N’s happiness!” Thor bellows before suddenly spinning on his heel and storming out of the room to deal with his loss, tears beginning to well up in your eyes yet again. Tony turns to you, his gaze softening with sorrow.

“I’m so, so sorry Y/N… just try to stay calm-”

“Stay calm?! How do you expect me to stay calm when I just lost my future husband?! I just lost the love of my LIFE, Tony! Not all of us have the luxury of being able to make a suit overnight, handing it to someone we care about and guarantee their safety!” You don’t even wipe the tears that have begun to spill, as you shove the soul stone into Tony’s hand.

“I hope his sacrifice was worth it.” You mutter as you shove past Tony, before sprinting to your room and shutting the door behind you.

-ˋˏ *.·:·.⟐.·:·.* ˎˊ-

It’s been days since you lost the love of your life. You haven’t showered, you’ve barely eaten, slept, or drunk. Most of your hours have been spent in bed, in silence from shock, then crying into your pillow until your face was tearstained and your eyes hurt. You haven’t left your room; you knew you’d only hear what Loki had died for. The mission he sacrificed himself for. You’d see the people who had doubted him. Who talked about him, talked about the stones and Thanos and this whole mission. You hate this mission. And if they didn’t make Loki’s sacrifice worth it…

Honestly, you aren’t sure what you’d do. I mean, you want to tear down that horrid cliff that Loki fell from, you wanted to murder the stupid guide, you wanted to break everything that led to Loki’s death. But you know you can’t. Not like this. Now, always feel weak, defeated, utterly empty. 

Loki took your happiness with him when he left. You didn’t think it could get any worse than that.

At least, not until you heard glass shattering. Blasts hitting a wall. Crashing parts of a building. You barely have time to grab Loki’s helmet and put it on your greasy, tangled hair before sprinting out to see what’s happening. Your eyes widen at the building falling apart, debris everywhere, and the massive spaceship shooting at the building. Then, at you. You recognize it as Thanos’s ship, hatred swelling in your heart for one of Loki’s abusers. When they repeatedly shoot in your direction, you realize they’re after you because of Loki, and you sprint. You don’t know where everyone else is, but you know that you need to find them. 

You sprint relentlessly before you slip, falling under and into a dark area. You hear two other people fall in moments later - Rhodey and Rocket.

“Canopy, canopy, canopy!” You hear Rhodey repeat and look at him, his breathing heavy and uneven and you struggle to get up. You hear a rush of water, your eyes widening in fear as it starts pouring in. Bruce falls in, making water splash, and you help Rocket out from under a slab of metal. Water starts coming in quicker and you get next to Bruce as he holds up the piece of the building above him, anything to keep breathing. You see a tiny person yell something reassuring as he jumps out, recognizing him as Scott.

For minutes, you keep working to keep everyone from drowning, until suddenly everything is pushed away and you see the light again as Scott, now massive, pulls everyone out, setting them on the ground. You see everyone. Well, almost everyone. Your heart sinks when you realize everyone from the snap is back, and yet, whoever did this couldn’t bring Loki back. Rhodey leads you down to the front lines, Thor swiftly handing you a familiar pair of twin daggers.

“Here. He would’ve wanted you to have these, for protecting yourself.” You swiftly take them and nod, your eyes widening at the enormous army in front of you, Thanos at the head of it. Your head is spinning, your heart is pounding. _If only Loki could see you now. If only he could see all of this, what his sacrifice lead to._

“Avengers… assemble!” You hear Steve roar as everyone charges towards the army. Rage and vengeance fill you, fueling you even though you feel weak. You start plowing through Thanos’s soldiers, the daggers swiftly making their blood spray. You don’t pay attention to the blood on you as you spot Ebony Maw, a member of the Black Order that Loki had told horrific stories of - torture and pain filling each one.

Ebony Maw is too focused on telling Thanos about Clint sprinting with the gauntlet to notice you run up a rock, jumping and pouncing on him from behind as you drive your dagger into his throat. The same thought goes through your mind - _if only Loki could see you now._

You continue to fight, eventually joining a new source of hope - Carol - and before you know it, all of the girls are with you, relentlessly fighting against Thanos’s army as Carol goes for Thanos himself. None of you stop, not until the army starts turning to dust. You stop, frantically turning in each direction to see what happened, until you realize how you won.

Tony is sitting against a pile of debris, Peter sobbing and reaching out to him as Pepper goes to him. Steve falls to his knees, a broken man. You can see the look on everyone’s faces, and you know that they must’ve been relieved to have won until they realized just _how_ they won. You stumble over to stand with them, using the last of your energy.

You shut your eyes when the light in the arc reactor goes out.

-ˋˏ *.·:·.⟐.·:·.* ˎˊ-

You wear a black dress, conservative yet flattering, to Tony’s funeral. You actually put in effort, you washed your hair and showered. You could practically feel the grime peel from you since it’d be so long since your last shower - a day before you lost Loki.

You stand next to Thor, a silent tear running down your cheek, knowing your last words to Tony had been your outburst. You never got to apologize. Some people that attend, you honestly don’t even know. You introduce yourself after, grateful to find that they’ll be attending Loki’s funeral after. You and Thor had decided to give him a traditional Viking funeral and made the arrangements prior to today.

-ˋˏ *.·:·.⟐.·:·.* ˎˊ-

On the dock, you stare at the smallish Viking boat with flower petals surrounding it starting to drift away. On it is Loki’s helmet and a set of his twin daggers - his second favorite set, you had his favorite ones. You dip the tip of your arrow in fire, light to contrast the darkness of nightfall, before staring at the boat as you give the speech.

“Lo, There do I see my Father. Lo, There do I see my Mother and my Brothers and my Sisters. Lo, There do I see the line of my people back to the beginning. Lo, They do call to me, they bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla, where thine enemies have been vanquished, where the brave shall live Forever. Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death.”

You aim your arrow, and it hits its mark on the boat. Thor does the same after you, then everyone else. You stare at the boat, engulfed in flames as it keeps floating through the lake. A tear runs down your cheek as you whisper to Loki, hoping he can somehow hear you from Valhalla.

“I love you.”

And from Valhalla, Loki smiles.

_I love you too._


End file.
